| I love music |
[05 Oct 2006|12:40am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bon Jovi- Bad Medicine |
] |
I'm going through that cycle I do every year from October to whenever where I decide I hate women and wish everyone was dead so I could live out the Omega Man.
That sounds kind of like poetry.
Anyway, I suppose it has something to do with constantly eating shitty food. I've been too lazy to go food shopping this week so I have had to rely on fast food (which I hate). Tomorrow I will go food shopping for sure.
I don't hate all women, just ones that present a threat to me (immasculating me, using me, lying to me) though I guess those aren't really threats. They are fears. I'm not sure how to avoid them. I guess this current gal is really starting to irk me. Too much baggage, too many games and nowhere near as amazing as the last one. I should probably bail out but I'm not sure how being that we're not really dating.
In a way, I'm mad at everyone. Today was so all over the place, I just feel like a madman.
If anyone I respect (Devon) reads this, please disregard it as youthful uncertainty and leave it at that.
I hope everyone is well
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| Oh! oh oh! |
[20 Jul 2006|06:33pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Beach Boys- California Girls |
] |
Isn't life weird? I haven't updated this thing in a really long time. I'm out of it right now. I've found myself being a lot more petty than usual. I wonder why? I hung out with my pals from the American Black Lung for two days which was a blast, but I think it woke me up to how much is lacking in my life. Or how much I THINK is lacking in my life.
I've been getting this general feeling of abandonment lately. Sort of like I had a year ago when I first moved here. I'm sure its all bullshit, but its difficult to wipe it from my brain. Also, I can usually look back a year after something has happened and say, "wow I'm glad all of that stuff happened" and I'm reluctant to say that at this point. A lot of my ambition is floundering, though it's been coming back a little bit.
Yes, I'm still writing every day. I am getting out of the house... but something seems off. And I don't know what. Loneliness has crept in, but it will go away sooner or later.
Maybe a year from now, I'll look back and think, 'wow, I was an idiot.' For some reason, I don't see that happening though. Like I'm stuck in a void.
P.S. My garret is muggy.
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| Herbert West has a very good head on his shoulders... |
[14 Jun 2006|11:08pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bee Gees- More Than A Woman |
] |
It's been a really long time since I updated this thing and I'm avoiding the hills have eyes remake, so ta-da. I'm leaving the country on saturday for two weeks. Italy is where I'm going. Family will be there. Parents, grandparents (who threw down the money for everyone to go), an uncle, an aunt and two cousins. This should be interesting.
The one thing I fear is being trapped. And being in a foreign land tends to bring that out. I suppose I'll dread the place for the first few days and by the end seriously consider staying. It seems to be my pattern.
I'm also reading way too many books right now. Zodiac, the Big Sleep, Wild Galaxy, Americana and Journey to the end of the night. I suppose that's unhealthy.
The writing group is going smooth. I think I've finally gotten over my fear of critiques. Sure, they can be more painful than rolling around on a bed of tacks and taking a bath in lemon juice, but they ARE trying to help me. I even like a few of them :)
Life seems so strange when you look back a few months and see how different things used to be. I am tired.
Goodnight.
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| Django in The California Sun |
[01 Mar 2006|12:49am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rene Rivas- Phantasm II |
] |
Hello, it's been quite a while since I've posted here. The writing group tonight went pretty well. I'm starting to feel like a human at the table (as opposed to the alien undead). Yesterday, I woke up and felt like a total loser. It was one of those things where you wished you'd never gotten out of bed. Though staying in bed somehow makes it worse. Sadly, my life hasn't been too exciting lately. I moved into a new house (I'm living in the attic). It is big and there is a dog named Riggs who also resides in the house with me. His owner John also lives in the house. Riggs is a black lab with a white chest which makes him a "tuxedo-dog". I finally stooped to lurking around the internet for attractive women and instantly recoiled. Girls on the internet are depressing. They range from "an exotic dancer looking for nothing serious" to girls that don't know what they are doing. It's pathetic. Whooooo. Hopefully this is a low-point in my life. My writing is sucking, I think. I guess I just have to keep going at it.
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| Tenebre |
[05 Feb 2006|03:48am] |
| [ |
music |
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Danger:Diabolik Soundtrack (Under Wah-Wah) |
] |
The darkness has become weird. Not the stupid band, just the night time. I used to thrive in this world, not having anyone to answer to, no worries, nothing to harm me... Recently I've been craving to be up at a decent hour like the rest of society. And I'm not sure if it's a good thing. On the one hand, I read a lot more and feel way happier. On the other, I risk the constant idiocy of the world at large and I'm not nearly perverted enough to stay passive during awkward public situations. I either get paralyzed by fear or have a strong urge to escape. I don't know. I guess things could be worse. It's kind of nice that these are my only problems. That and the tax thing, the driver's license, the video rental article, the moving at the end of the month and the writing group. I guess none of it will kill me. I really hate the DMV though. Stupid driver's test.
And what's with girls who get your number, say they'll call you and never even bother picking up the lousy phone? Honestly, do you have to lie? I'd rather some dumb broad say "fuck off, I want nothing to do with you" than lead me on some wild goose chase. Whatever, I love waking up alone. Mickey Spillane hat, here I come.
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| Fading Into Obscurity |
[18 Jan 2006|02:53am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Warriors theme song |
] |
The point I feel most tired is always during that crucial part of the day I need to be awake. For example now, two hours befor my bedtime and I am ready to collapse. It wasn't a particularly busy day... sleep has simply caught up to me. True, I went to the writing group, I worked and I even watched a movie and chauffered my manager around. Yet, it still seems empty. Am I making any sense? Or has that wave of drowsiness crashed over me and pulled me into the realm of the non-sensical? I'm sure this all sounds like rambling, but its the only thing I can think of to stay awake. Sure, I'll read a bit, then write a page or so and probably go to bed. It's just so damn weird. Wanting something so simple and denying it to keep consistent with a goal.
I played with a dog named Riggs today. I think he was named after Mel Gibson's character in Lethal Weapon 2. He is a puppy, black and enjoys biting my shoes. We have jumping games. He jumps in the air and does a little kick move with his hind legs, while I hop up and try not to land on the sweet little bastard.
"How are you today?"
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| Falling In Love Again |
[31 Dec 2005|03:25am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Adicts- Falling In Love Again |
] |
Today was a wicked day. Not that it was bad, just a lot of odd happenings. I got to eat lunch with my sister Lacey and her Mom, Esther. It was a half-pound burger I finished and a side of fries. I definitely didn't need any food for the rest of the day. We talked about the Pidgeon man, security guard outfits made from papers at mcdonald's, my family and other random things. Afterward, Lacey and I took ridiculous pictures (some of which I look quite cool in).
I am listening to journey right now, not because it's good, just because it's so bizarre to me. Everything must be a perfect dichotomy in order to live a truly full life. One bad marriage, one good one. No guarantee which one is first. A bad job, a good job. A constructive hobby and a destructive lifestyle. The foot on Mrs. Pamela Voorhees also broke off and some girl has begun stalking me. An internet girl. A different catholic girl attempted to frighten her off and I thank her for that. New Years looks to be weird. Enjoy.
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|
| What The Fuck? |
[28 Dec 2005|02:14am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels |
] |
So today started off great. Sara called to wake me up and hang out for the day. We watched Crash, ate pizza bites, fries and shopped for food. After that, Leif and I hung out at the horror known as the mall. It was a gas. I bought a darkman figure for five bucks and Leif purchased Waxwork I and II on dvd. As we were leaving the mall, a meat-necked tall guy who probably had a felony asked me if I smoked. I scoffed at him, said no and walked away. Then the idiot yelled out "yeah, ya fuckin' asshole. Keep walking." Leif kept going, unphased by the madness, while I (no matter how big the antagonizer) absolutely have to stand up for myself.
I went back to him and asked, "what the hell is wrong with you? Why'd you say that to me?" The idiot boy proceeded to get closer and closer to my face. Like gay close. Just trying to get me to back off. And I wouldn't. I stood my ground and stared and kept trying to get him to explain himself. The idiot boy's cronie didn't help either. The Idiot boy kept looking back at him and saying, "is this guy getting in my face?" While the wide-eyed cronie nodded and told me, "you should have just kept walking."
So Leif finally says something and the idiot boy moves away from me and goes over to Leif. Note: Leif isn't as tall as me. The guy also mentioned he had been in jail three nights ago to which I replied "how would you like to be in the morgue tonight?"
He said nothing and Leif was all "fuck this" and we both left.
I am proud of myself.
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| The Dark Half |
[20 Dec 2005|05:30pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lionel Richie- Hello |
] |
So Miah suggested I start updating more and I'm going to do just that. I watched a 1993 movie today titled, "The Dark Half" based on a book by Stephen King. I normally don't like his work, but this was fucking fantastic. It reminded me of Secret Window... but different (both were King novels). The killer in the Dark Half looks exactly like Johnny Cash, which was kind of cool. When will they make a movie where the killer looks exactly like Dennis Wilson? That would be supreme.
I have learned how to cook some really good spaghetti, which excites me to no end. I never thought I'd be capable of cooking anything other than microwave popcorn. It's a small victory, I guess.
Having only one job is nice. I still need more money, but with not eating out every night, I should be okay. Daven said I should get food stamps. I'd rather not. The next five days should be interesting. X-Mas is coming down like a gaggle of mad perverts dropped from an exploding plane. That made no sense. Stream of consciousness=my best friend.
Tonight I go to my writing group and hopefully get free cookies. Might go see King Kong with Hank and Joey. It's pretty damn weird hanging out with your boss from work. Cool though.
I've also discovered I'm a closet pop music fan. Not like N*Sync or any of that garbage, but stuff like Lionel Richie and A-Ha. It's just so bad and creepy. I want to drown in it. I got offered to work at the Barger store tonight and said no.
Maybe that was a bad idea. Oh well.
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| Pacific Ocean Blues |
[19 Dec 2005|01:29pm] |
So I got the single greatest x-mas gift ever from Henry and Sara. It's hard to put into words how perfect it is, because no one cares about Dennis Wilson like I do... but it's this big black and white photo of Denny when he was in his uber-creative jesus-lookin' period.
It's hanging up on my wall and it us so damn cool! I get enthused just looking at it. In other news, I need to go to the bank and play some basketball tonight. Should be a grand old time. It's been a long time since I've updated this.
I play basketball almost every night at 12:30 and it is insanely cool. Life is keen.
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| Return of The Vomit Kings |
[10 Nov 2005|04:27am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Brian Wilson- Lay Down Burden |
] |
Jack-In-The-Box tacos + Dr. Bold + Smoothie + Subway = bad news
I'll be in Tucson from the 22nd to the 28th.
I don't really want to leave though.
Celebrating X-Mas with Hank and Sara will be great. Plus Winder and Davin. Today is the first of many fine days. And now....
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| Sloop John B |
[31 Oct 2005|12:49am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Beach Boys- I Know There's An Answer |
] |
I get to work thirteen hours today. I feel ridonkulas.
I've been a bit of a madman. Writing, push-ups, not enough meetings... Thankfully I have some quality friends to balance out my insanity. The constable had to come and take him away. Him meaning me. My neck hurts from the controlled exercise.
The time has changed over here and that wigged me out. Why would anyone think daylight savings is a good idea? I still feel utterly alone and similar to the alien undead. I think a religious girl likes me. That's weird. I've never understood that. Um, my head hurts. I am tired of thinking.
Saw 2 was pretty sweet.
I watched it with Hank and he's fairly weird. But in a normal way. It's damn strange how things change over the course of a year. I don't know what the hell else to do. Maybe some service work or volunteering? I want a do-over. I think the my coffee girl is a hot tramp. Not sure what the deal is on that.
I need more Beach Boys albums.
Castle Freak was rad. What's up with male-bonding?
I know there's an answer.
Does anyone else ever feel like fast-forwarding their lives by a bunch?
Truthfully, I am better off up here, but morbid reflection always creeps back in.
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| In The Back Of My Mind |
[16 Oct 2005|03:13am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Beach Boys- Let Him Run Wild |
] |
In the back of my mind... is a fine Dennis Wilson song.
I'm afraid it's gonna change. I wasn't afraid of that before. New fears replace the old ones. My mouth is filled with peanut butter goodness.
Here is to the drunken maniacs I get to deal with tomorrow morning. Ah, homeless too. Thank god my fellow employees are decent.
I think I might actually be healthy. I honestly have nothing to fixate over. Someone throw a problem my way before I'm struck sane.
ONE DIME IS ONLY ONE TENTH OF A DOLLAR.
Hurry Hurry Hurry.
"When I watched you walk with him... I couldn't stand his lies. I hope you realize it."
The Beach Boys are the most quotable band in the universe. I want to hang with Dennis Wilson. Someone bring him back from the dead. And please make sure I have a Satanic funeral.
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| Pissy Dribble |
[14 Oct 2005|03:17am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Ween- Piss Up A Rope |
] |
Closing sucks...
But on the bright side I have batman begins on dvd before anyone else.
"Up shit's creek with a turd for a paddle."
I feel better after push-ups and writing. I liked Naomi's Hemingway quote, so I am using the Ween quote found above to combat it.
My hair is so damn short. Working two jobs is weird.
Huzzah!
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|
| Stallone |
[10 Oct 2005|02:27am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Berlin- Sex (I'm A) |
] |
A lot of people at hollywood video suck.
End.
Davin, Hank and John are good friends. I miss Ray and Autumn. A few others too.
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| Taken Out Before the Strike |
[25 Sep 2005|05:50pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cky- Don't Hold Your Breath |
] |
Sometimes I am disturbed with how accurate these things are... I think the ol' jaw dropped on numbers 1 and 2... And why is it that the internet knows me better than most of my friends?
 |
I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Strives for a life rich in activity and experience..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
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|
| Chloroform Theme/John Travolta |
[25 Sep 2005|02:57am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mr. Bungle - Travolta |
] |
I feel good again.
It's a nice thing.
A squishy human rectangle.
Hank and Sarah are two of the coolest people I've ever met. They rock too fucking hard. I wonder if I want to go and get food tonight...
Working for a living is neat.
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| 1941 is a really good movie |
[23 Sep 2005|03:56am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Mugison- Mugimama is the monkey music |
] |
LJ Interests meme results
- bass:
deep, sludgey, complex, misinterpreted and over-looked - cky:
aggressive, beautiful, truthful, spooky, a perfect fit - crispin glover:
unusual, elegant, complex, emotional, thin, age-less - evil destroying evil:
A man killing another man to stop others from being killed... how odd is that? - helping others:
getting out of my fucking head and helping someone who is even worse off than I am. - keyboard:
old movie scores - mike patton:
best lyricist and vocalist of all time, amazing, fantastic, YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR OWN TWO EYES - quitting jobs:
I don't like this one as much anymore... it is nice feeling free though. - session 9:
One of the creepiest movies I've ever seen. Brad Anderson should be making the Silent Hill movie. - spider-man 1967 cartoon:
Recycled animation, odd villains, weird voice-acting and one of my favorite heroes.
Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.
late night boredom and the sweet sounds of Mugison. The girl who likes the beach boys as much as I do will be marrying me next week. My hair smells weird. Let's go dancing, like we talked about.
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| Okay |
[19 Sep 2005|02:42pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Beach Boys- Wonderful |
] |
Thanks to Ray for my new icon.
My stomach is a vicious thing. I've thrown up four times today. Fucking four. What the hell is going on? It's so erratic and random that it can't possibly be illness. I havent felt this good in a while. Seriously. Everything is turning out nicely.
I had another job interview today. I think it went okay.
I may still try to work at the MyCoffee place. I'm tired of the non-sense.
Anyone else?
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